Please bear with me...
I'm figuring this thing out as I go along.
The only way I can relate this in a way that feels OK to me is to call what I'm experiencing a "spiritual emergence". Please check out Stan Grof's work on this subject if you'd like to learn more. This book in particular was helpful to me as I began my spiritual emergence journey around 1996.
In layman's terms, basically, I'm experiencing the divine spark within me, and Honest to God -- it hurts like Bloody Hell. That spark is giving me a gigantic spiritual enema. Sand-paper style. It really hurts.
So, there's a big metaphorical Hole in the middle of my (for lack of a better word) soul -- which will pass, when God has finished his work on me for the time being.
I'm just trying to surrender to His will while He...prepares me (or whatever it is we would like to call it). I'm not set on any terms in particular, I'm just doing my best to allow this thing to pass. I know that this experience is for the best, but it really hurts quite a lot.
And we all go through this in our own way (apparently). That belief brings me great comfort. I really need to know that there are other people who go through this type of thing. And that is why I am very grateful for the work of Stan Grof. Others have walked this path before me. I am not alone.
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